Giving...and Giving Up

Blogger has issues. Or I have issues. This is not formatted in the way I would prefer it to be. But I think giving up my plans for a perfectly formatted blogpost is one of my sacrifices today.

I'm praying through the Spiritual Disciplines, asking God how I can put my love for Him into practice. This week I'm praying about sacrifice, asking God what He would like me to give or give up.

I thought of Jesus' life on earth, and the great sacrifice He paid for us. I thought about the smaller sacrifices in His earthly life, and this story came to mind:

Then He said to them all, “If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me. ...
About eight days after these words, He took along Peter, John, and James and went up on the mountain to pray. As He was praying, the appearance of His face changed, and His clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly, two men were talking with Him—Moses and Elijah. They appeared in glory and were speaking of His death, which He was about to accomplish in Jerusalem.
Peter and those with him were in a deep sleep, and when they became fully awake, they saw His glory and the two men who were standing with Him. As the two men were departing from Him, Peter said to Jesus, “Master, it’s good for us to be here! Let us make three tabernacles: one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah”—not knowing what he said.
While he was saying this, a cloud appeared and overshadowed them. They became afraid as they entered the cloud.
Then a voice came from the cloud, saying: “This is My Son, the Chosen One; listen to Him!”
After the voice had spoken, only Jesus was found. They kept silent, and in those days told no one what they had seen.
The next day, when they came down from the mountain, a large crowd met Him. (Luke 9:23, 28-37)

Jesus took three close friends up the mountain to share an amazing experience. They caught a glimpse of Jesus in His glory, and they saw two Old Testament heroes. They heard the mighty voice of God the Father.

And then they all came back down the mountain to meet a large crowd—a crowd with needs. Jesus took up His daily routine again. There was no lingering in the glory; He had a job to do.

I have a job too. However glorious my morning quiet time, whatever truth and comfort God impresses on my heart, I do have to come down the stairs and make breakfast, do the laundry and care for my children.

Sometimes sacrifice is simply giving myself and giving up what I want to do. Before Jesus took the disciples up the mountain, He spoke to them about denying themselves and taking up their crosses daily. There are difficult, annoying and painful things that I must face as I serve God. Some are larger then others. Some are simply the everyday routine of work when I'd really rather sit down and drink my tea and look outside at the mountains.

And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. (Ephesians 5:2)

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life—a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45)

So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up.(Galatians 6:9)

Lord, show me how to live in love today, to serve my family and You.

Writing

I can't seem to blog and write a book at the same time. This is my writing season. I am in the middle of a project--a new Bible study that should be ready in the fall. 

I would appreciate your prayers. Pray for wisdom and clarity and a great title. Pray that I won't forget to do the laundry while my brain is busy. Most of all, pray that my life will be changed as I study God's Word. I don't want to simply share information. I want to share powerful truths that have shaped my life.

Pray for Jenni

If you're my Facebook friend, you've read my "Please pray for Jenni" status updates. Jenni had several strokes this month and she's been hospitalized for weeks. Tomorrow she's having surgery. Jenni has three young children. Please pray that Jenni will be get to return home soon, that she will be able to care for her children and that she will be able to continue her writing project. Pray for her husband, her kids and her relatives who are helping to care for her kids.

Let me tell you a little more about her. Here's an excerpt from Only for My King, in a chapter I wrote last spring about surrendering our resources. This segment is titled "Serving with Limited Resources."


Mark and I were married for four years before our first living child was born. During that time we had two miscarriages. I found encouragement and friendship at Hannah's Prayer Ministries (hannah.org), a Christian online support group for women facing infertility, miscarriage or infant loss. I still keep in touch with a few friends from Hannah's Prayer, including Jenni Saake, the cofounder. Jenni experienced infertility and miscarriage herself. Jenni wrote a book, Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoption Loss, to encourage women and share the comfort she found in God's word.

Now Jenni is in a different chapter of life, mothering three children, homeschooling and blogging. She handles these duties while coping with very limited resources of strength and energy: she has an immune disease called XMRV, formerly known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Jenni describes this as an “ongoing daily battle.”

The MS-like issues have escalated with involuntary muscle twitching at rest, and many random nerve sensations ranging from pain to tingling to numbness. I battle vertigo frequently and when I'm especially tired I drag one foot when trying to walk. I rarely leave the house without a wheelchair and often hold my hands out for balance when walking in my own home. I completed a survey this week that helped me see that my current ability is around 35-40% of my pre-illness ability, and that's a marked improvement from those first earliest years as well as the setback that had me in bed for much of 2007. I grieve that my children are growing up without ever knowing the mom I so long to be.




Most people see the "face" of a healthy-looking me, the vast majority of the time. They cannot see that I live with a ticking time-bomb called XMRV that can land me hard down in bed with the smallest provocation, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. They can't see that I'm one step away from walking past a balloon and landing in the hospital for a latex allergy like I did this week. They can't see that I struggle every day to get out of bed and try to lead as normal of a life as possible, despite immobilizing fatigue and ever-changing levels and kinds and cycles of pain or cognitive dysfunction and a variety of other symptoms ranging from the annoying or distracting to the downright unmanageable.


I am an author. I am living with "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome". When questioned by a doctor last year on my cognitive function, I explained, "I have written one book, but where others could have written it in several months, maybe a year or two, it took me ten." I continually turn down speaking engagements and travel requests because I do not have the stamina for public speaking, nor the strength for travel. Writing is my passion, my therapy, my outlet. But "being a writer" while fighting through this illness isn't an easy road.


I believe pain is a gift, though certainly an odd one. The thing that makes it a gift is the way it drives us to dependence on God. If I'm fixated only on my illness, or my desire to be well, I miss out on God's best for me right here, right now, right in the heart of living these trials.


Because I cannot see the big picture from God's perspective, instead I must cling to His promise that His grace is enough and accept that His power can shine most fully through me when I yield my heart to His plans. Therefore, I will boast gladly in my weakness and thank Him for the power that He gives me for every step He enables me to take, every breath He blesses me to draw. (quoted from Jenni's blog, Given Me a Thorn)

Jenni finds encouragement in these verses:

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. (James 1:2-4 Message)

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. (Isaiah 45:3 NIV)


The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;

on those living in the land of darkness, a light has dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)


[Because of] the Lord's faithful love, we do not perish, for His mercies never end.

They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness! (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Treasures

I rejoice over Your promise like one who finds vast treasure.
(Psalm 119:162)
Lord, You are my portion and my cup [of blessing];
You hold my future. (Psalm 16:5)
For our hearts rejoice in Him,
because we trust in His holy name. (Psalm 33:21)
I am at rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. (Psalm 62:1)
My soul, praise the Lord, and all that is within me, praise His holy name.
My soul, praise the Lord, and do not forget all His benefits.
(Psalm 103:1-2)

Lord, You are my treasure.
My confidence, my peace and my security
depend on no one and nothing except You.

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Desires

Lord, my every desire is known to You;
my sighing is not hidden from You. (Psalm 38:9)
Whom do I have in heaven but You?
And I desire nothing on earth but You. (Psalm 73:25)
As a deer longs for streams of water, so I long for You, God. (Psalm 42:1)
Happy are those who keep His decrees
and seek Him with all their heart. (Psalm 119:2)
Take delight in the Lord,
and He will give you your heart's desires. (Psalm 37:4)

Fill my heart with the desires that You desire.
Grow within me a whole-hearted love for You.

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Mind

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow His instructions have good insight.
His praise endures forever. (Psalm 111:10)
I rejoice in the way [revealed by] Your decrees as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on Your precepts and think about Your ways.
I will delight in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word. (Psalm 119:14-16)
I pursue the way of Your commands, for You broaden my understanding. (Psalm 119:32)

Lord, my mind is full of fear and worry.
I ask for Your wisdom and peace.

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Resources

O Lord, how many and varied are Your works!
In wisdom have You made them all...
the earth is full of Your riches and Your creatures.
These all wait and are dependent upon You... (Psalm 104:24, 27 AMP)
For the Lord God is a sun and shield. The Lord gives grace and glory;
He does not withhold the good from those who live with integrity.
Lord of Hosts, happy is the person who trusts in You! (Psalm 84:11-12)
Our help is in the name of the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:8)

Lord, You promise to provide all the resources I need to live a godly life.
I trust You and depend on You.

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Message

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.
(Psalm 40:1-3)
Sing to the Lord, you His faithful ones,
and praise His holy name. (Psalm 30:4)
I will speak of Your glorious splendor and Your wonderful works.
(Psalm 145:5)
And my tongue will proclaim Your righteousness,
Your praise all day long. (Psalm 35:28)

Lord, I ask for a song today—a song of praise
to my faithful Redeemer.

Keep Calm and Read Psalms: Surrendering my Audience

Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord.
You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. (Psalm 139:4-5)
I will praise You forever for what You have done.
In the presence of Your faithful people, I will put my hope in Your name, for it is good. (Psalm 52:9)
I put my hope in You, Lord; You will answer, Lord my God. (Psalm 38:15)


As You choose my audience (my sphere of influence and ministry)
it may be smaller or larger or completely different from my expectations.
I surrender to Your choice, as I depend on You.

a Welcome to Praise Patterns

The ladies at Lewis and Clark Church in Astoria, Oregon are beginning a study of Praise Patterns. Here is my welcome to them.